OWN tomorrow - the horizon awaits.

Howdie everyone,

Well, sometimes you have those years when everything you've worked for seems to crumble to the ground and, like a row of dominos, sees everything else tumble down with it. I, myself, have had one of those years. Whether or not it's something to do with 13 being involved, I'll leave to your personal superstitions and beliefs. I, personally, think it's more to do with getting involved with the wrong woman and hanging my career, car, home and self-esteem on the relationship. Never mix business and pleasure...but that's another blog altogether.

What I would like to actually address is the ability we have as people (with the help of those family and friends who really show how much you mean to them) to pick yourself back up again. I can now insert a thousand cliches, such as "everything happens for a reason" and " one door closes and another opens" and the like. There is truth to these, in some ways, but it has more to do with your own self and your personal strength and ambition. Yes...everything happens for a reason. But it's nothing to do with the stars or some cosmic overhead guiding our fate and looking out for us. And yes, one door closes and another is there to open. But again, there's no spiritual guidance on that. It comes down to cause and effect. Some things cause the sky to fall down around your ears. Some people slam a door in your face...and it's not that a spiritual breeze nudges another open with an attention grabbing and fateful creak. A door closes, you find yourself in a hallway of doors...and you have to dig down deep, assess who you now are...and kick the bugger open. With everything you have.

I'm kicking a few doors open. Doors that, two years ago, I wouldn't have even thought to look at. I'm scared. I'm nervous. I know they'll take a lot of work for me to thrive once I've crossed the threshold. But therein lies the joy of life. We can push forward. We can stand back, assess where we've come from, why we are now standing where we are..even if it is a bit aimless. And it's up to us whether we stand there looking to the past and weeping, regretting, standing absorbed in bitterness and blaming everything else for our downfall. Or...we can own tomorrow. We can make a new self; on a foundation of experience, wisdom and with a thicker skin.

Learn from yesterday. Own tomorrow.

Being a loner...can be lonely. Does it have to be?

For the last few days, I've treated myself to a little bit of random road tripping. One of the appealing aspects of devoting my working life to both music and writing, is that they are each extremely flexible and mobile. I would be a fool not to try getting away. You can't pack the car, hit the arterial routes and not envision -and hope for- the movie-like escapades of some charismatic protagonist. I hoped to find myself at the centre of new groups of friends. If I was a movie character, I'm sure I'd find myself sitting in a bar or a cafe alone to see it turn into some scintillating conversation with some sharp witted and completely captivated brunette, who'd inevitably push for some sort of hotel room rendezvous. The possibilities are just endless...in the movies. In reality, everything's a little bit more...'British'.

Groups in cafes keep very much to themselves...and should you make yourself known with eye contact or a comment, it's usually met with a polite agreement and a -not so discreet- flurry of “Who's this odd guy on his own and talking to us” eye contact between the group members. People are unnerved by confidence. Or maybe they just want to be left to their own lives. Which is fair.

This morning, the place I intended to shower happened to have a broken boiler, so I trundled off to find some other means of washing. I got into a cafe and promptly ordered an Americano on hearing the wifi was good. As my coffee roared and crackled into existence, I asked if there were any gyms or swimming pools around which I could use for a shower. I thought it was something to talk about, to engage with these other humans. I thought there may even be some interest into who I was and how 'random' I was being with my week. I also thought local knowledge would be a good way to go. The answer was quite typical of less than 'people person' individuals...and in this technological age of ours,

“Get your laptop out and Google it. That's the best thing to do”. It wasn't meant so rude. It was dismissive, though. More than that, it was just the preferable option to them having to think about their local area and communicate with another human.

It just got me thinking...these days we have GPS, so we rarely wind the window down and ask for directions. These days we Google everything from our phones...so who would ask a local for their recommendation for a place to eat? We go by internet reviews and whatever is ranked highest on a search engine.

It seems petty. It seems a bit nit picky. But even making small talk with someone behind a bar is difficult...because they're waiting to serve you and slink off with their mobile phone. I guess I just feel like something is missing. To travel around is not going to be like in the movies, with script written interest between strangers. It, unfortunately, is really, quite lonely.

There are some exceptions to this, which I have enjoyed. There are a number of people I've enjoyed conversations with who have enriched the experience...and for those fleeting moments I would repeat this trip. So there is something to be said about how enriching spontaneous and 'new' conversation with a stranger can be. It's just a shame that there are just more barriers to one human interacting with another, largely related to the ease of answers online...or the fact that people would rather skip through their Facebook news feed than interact with the people who are actually in their physical vicinity. Sod it, though, I'll push through those barriers. Next time. Maybe I just need to be bolder...and more annoying.

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