1000 miles that I won't forget

I've just arrived home after a week away to realise that
1) I forgot to put the bin out (stinky) and
2) I've clocked up almost 1000 miles in my trusty Citroen C5 since Monday.

That seems a lot...and it felt like it too!  The passenger side footwell of the car is currently piled high with empty Costa cups, Rizla packets and various fast food bags and I've yet to air it out to get rid of that "guy in heavy jeans, stuck in standstill traffic in a hot car, sweating his nuts off" smell, but I'm home now, sitting on the sofa with a homemade cup of coffee on the table; it's calm, relaxed...and a moment for me to reflect on my motorway cruise.

It felt awful at times.  Cramped up and hot, sometimes slow, sometimes busy and fast as I jostled about from lane to lane, hurling insults at my sat nav for instructing me incorrectly.  But, the bits that stick out about the whole week are the times when some little things broke the monotony, made me smile or set a wonderful train of thought in motion to keep my mind occupied for the next 20 miles.  Things that made the journey more enjoyable and, even, worthwhile for its own sake.  I thought I'd jot them down. 

Lovely, interesting, cool things I noticed while on the road

• A fairly young couple bombing along in the fast lane.  While he sat in the drivers seat, drumming on the steering wheel and bobbing his head to the loud music they had on, she sat in the passenger seat, a broad and beautiful smile across her face as the sun gleamed off her Ray Bans...and then they both launched into the chorus of the song with full gusto and humoured commitment to hitting the notes..both laughing and at ease with how "cringe" that movie moment actually was.  

• A guy (honestly) knuckle deep into his nose as we plodded along through another motorway hold up. Buddy, I've got nothing better to do than watch you, but don't let that put you off.  

• A swarm (swarm?) of military aircraft passing overhead; low, slow and glorious.  It was a bunch of helicopters and a couple of plane things with copter-ish rotator blade thingumajigs on each wing.  Even Google hasn't helped me find out what they were, I don't know.  But it was fascinating.  What a different sort of day they were having in the sky; an every day thing for them, but great to watch from the ground. 

• A bored lad, not 10 years old.  Head against the window.  He offered me a lazy wave, he returned my smile...and then promptly told on me when I poked my tongue out at him.  ...I put my foot down after that.  Aaawkwaaaaard!

• The lone guy completely oblivious to anyone as he sang along to music...the pain of the note showing on his face, but he was enjoying it.   Glad the window was shut, though.  It didn't look like he made it. 

• A guy driving along in a pick-up truck, where, in the back, was a huge carving of an eagle coming to land on a piece of wood, its magnificent wings spreading, I'm sure, 6 feet.  It looked awesome.  An amazing piece of work.

• An old man, in some old and casual suit jacket, a hat with his white hair escaping out the bottom...and he sat there in the traffic...smoking a pipe.  Just didn't expect it.  

Now, all of these things...and there were more...don't seem incredibly exciting in themselves, I know that!  Maybe it says something about how utterly tedious our motorways are (especially with the constant roadworks, delays and utterly pointless variable speed limits), that I would be bored enough to even notice some of these things or even find them fascinating.  But, on the other hand, I guess it's a little metaphor for life (not to sound too much like J.D. from Scrubs); it may be a long road, pretty grey and unexciting, perhaps busier and slower than we'd like, but look around!  There are people on the journey with you...you may not know them but you can gain a glimpse into their lives, wonder on their story, gain insight into their passions, be inspired by hobbies they have stacked on the roof.  I saw a huge wooden eagle and wondered how it was made, for what purpose and where it was going...what people would make of it there!  I saw a couple filling their journey with music and laughter and fun foolishness, whether they're lovers or not I don't know, but they had an intimacy and it was fresh and reminded me how great that is.  And I saw what people do when they think no one can see, like trying to hit that high note or plunging their entire finger into their beak and rooting around for their 'brain'...I guess, from that, I learned that we all bloody do it when no one's about.  ...don't we?  

For the most part, each mile may be grey and organised into lanes and monotonous order...but take a peek out the window and there is so much life, so many smiles and many inspiring things to see in the people around us...and if it looks like they're enjoying the journey more than we are then it's pretty simple to ask ourselves, "what's their secret?" 

1000 miles that I won't forget.  

  

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Do Tell: 

Have you ever observed something that's changed you? 
Have you been inspired by someone simply living their own life?

Who are your real friends?

I love that song's lyric: "A friend in need is a friend indeed".

Do you want to know who your friends are? 

Recently, circumstance has shoveled a little excrement my way, which has served to highlight some interesting facts about my life.  The biggest revelation during this time related directly to how different people in my life make me feel.  Do they make me feel supported?  Loved?  Listened to?  Even...happy?  Something I very much realized was who decided to be there for me.

Let me say, I'm not someone who hankers after sympathy and attention.  If I can get on with it myself, I will.  But I was very moved to see who, after getting the idea that I was going through a hard time, made a purposeful effort...just to say "Are you ok?"

More than that, I was surprised...and hurt...by who didn't.

Three people, in particular, surprised me by getting in touch.  They were always friends, but we'd just lost touch.  But apart from one person, those I see on a very regular basis and drink with, failed to come through.  Chose not to offer that time and ask how I was.  

You can't realize something like that and feel the same way about your social group when the trouble subsides.  I found myself on the upside once more and got myself out and about.  I found myself feeling quite numb around those I'd thought would be there for me, but who failed to come through.  I saw how much they, actually, talked about themselves a lot...and really didn't know much about me.

So, it got me thinking.  Here are a few ways that I now critique my friendships.  They are just what I learned from this experience, but I hope it gets you thinking.

1)  You can lose touch, but they're there when it matters

As I said, three people made the effort to get in touch.  One of these was actually a friend of my ex-partner, but just wanted to check in, which I found rather lovely.  The other two were friends I used to talk a lot with, but jobs and study meant we moved away from each other.  However, we do live in a technological age, with Facebook, Twitter and the like.  Geography doesn't make or break friendships.  When I've been side by side with mates who've chosen not to ask how I was, it meant a lot to realize that even those who were too far away to give me a hug had been checking in on me.  And then, when it mattered, clicked 'Send'.

The other point here is that two individuals can change every circumstance in their life and not talk regularly, but you get on just the same as you always did.  A friendship is built on respect, love and interest in the other person.

2)  Friends are HONEST

There's nothing that should make you feel listened to more than when a friend looks you in the eye and says
"I think you may have that a bit wrong..."

It means they've given you the time to talk.  It means they've actually thought about what you've been saying.  Most importantly, it means they're comfortable enough with you to risk disagreeing with you on a very personal matter.  It could be a tad angering when you spill your heart to someone and they tell you the opposite of what you'd like to hear, but keep in mind...only your true friends who've spent time to listen and are close enough to you could do that.  So, take a moment, think about what your friend has advised.  They're close enough to have you reject their views too!


3)  Friends are for life...not just for Christmas, birthdays, nights out

What I mean is, it should take more than circumstance to bring people together.  I have many people who'll call themselves my friend because they regularly see me when we're each at a particular place, but there's never an invite for a specific meet up or chat.  A coffee date.  A movie evening. 

I noticed that around mutual friends (both male and female) with my ex-girlfriend, I would always receive the invites through her.  There was a lot of Facebook or Twitter chatter that I wasn't included in.  Also, most conversation between us as a group was directed at her.  I soon realized that they had become her friends...and I was her boyfriend.  A plus-one.  Even she didn't invite me to group activities.  When we broke up, she received a lot of support from them...and I wasn't approached.  That's fine, because it made me realize something:

A friend is not just pleased to see you when you happen to be there.  That's a 'mate'.   A friend wants to see you when you're not.



On that note, thank you to those friends who've been there for me.  And everyone else: I'll see you around.